An Idiot’s Guide: How to make a Bhangra song video!

Hey guys/ladies, ever wanted to find out how you can make your really hipping track really up-to-date and modern? Are you passionate about showing Punjabi culture to the world?Do you want to make a lot of money and look stupid in the process?

Then please look not further than this guide…

1. You need a song which contains any of the following themes/keywords:Jatt, Jatt di Zameen, money, girls, fashion, Chandigarh, muscles, biceps, gym, Honey Singh, YO YO, Alcohol, Drugs, motorcycles, guns, emigration.

1. Any song which talks about pind lifestyle, Punjabi ma boli and other such things are frowned upon, that’s so Gurdas Maan.
2. Once you have a song, you need some cameramen who have the total creative acumen of a flea.The cameramen will provide many awful backgrounds to shoot in, but make sure you go for: grotty bars, cheesy nightclubs, parking spaces and if you want to go all out you can try and use a field in the middle of nowhere.
3. You now need actors, actresses and background caste.This is really important, mess this up and people will not care, in fact it is more important than the song itself…and your mother maybe.
   The vital person is the actress; you can either use the woman who made the song or if she is too ugly then you can pay some modelling agency in the pind to send some random girl from the kheth. Apply tons of makeup, give a dress which would make her potential in laws gasp in shock and hey presto! A typical Punjaban.
   The actors and background cast can be made up by inviting your random mates and family members with the promise that they will be famous if they just stand in the corner and pretend to look vaguely sober.
4. NOW finally the video shoot!
   
   Set a date, get your actors etc together as well as video crew. Now to make a great video one must take as much time as possible, a day or 2 maybe. Put a couple of bottles of vodka on the ready to give to your background cast. Make random dance moves and if you want to be risque; add a proper bhangra  team (for a folk touch). Emphasize all the action on the main girl and her moving body, with the background cast all having a glassy on the side. Main man just needs to stare and dance around main girl until they fall in love.
5. Song promotionAll the hard work is done! Now to promote like crazy on facebook, twitter, instagram, newspaper, radio, email, TV and youtube. Promotion is everything, you have to promote the best of Punjabi culture *as well as earning dollar*. Get it advertised on prime tv if you have the rupaiya. Interview with all the big names in Bhangra music industry and go into nightclubs to sing your gundeh gaaneh in the hope someone will buy it….don’t forget ONLY BUY OFF ITUNES!
6. Sit back and see your singing career take off!*This blog is a parody of what I think is the state of the Bhangra music industry which portrays good about Punjabi culture and its history*