It’s been a long time since I last posted but a lot has happened since then! I got married this year in february and my life has been incredibly busy since then.
There has been a lot of positive changes since marriage; I feel a lot more grown up and it’s nice to have someone who has a deep and affectionate attachment to you as well. Between me and my wife we act more like best friends rather than the atypical husband and wife. We have our ‘in-jokes’ and banter which contribute to a lot of good memories in our relationship.
It has not been all perfect, there have been incredible lows but we always work hard to communicate with each other and to talk things through. No marriage is perfect, that much is clear! It requires a lot of hard work and sacrifice before you can even enjoy the fruits of it.
I suppose the biggest change for me has been the realization that as an Indian male within the context of a Hindu marriage, there are many things that I have to uphold as well as change about myself. Firstly, over time I had begun to discover that the sacrifice a girl has to go through in an Indian marriage is huge! Leaving her family, house and in my wife’s case country is such a big change for them that men often need to be sensitive to that!
Most girls when they join their husband’s family have to adopt a new way of life and this is not an easy thing to do! Imagine you wake up after 25 years in a different house, with new people who you now have to call mum, dad and brother! As a husband seeing my wife transition through this was both a struggle and confusing. In this modern day and age some families still retain the view that the ‘Bahu’ or daughter-in-law has to conform to their family ethos as quickly as possible, and the husband should not interfere in that process.
Sometimes I got a feeling that marriage between a husband and wife is a relatively simple thing; don’t be dishonest, always communicate your feelings and have time for each other’s feelings. But living within a family context things begin to get more complicated. As a son of parents whom you have lived with all your life, there are many conflicted opinions that run through your mind about the right course of action. Often you think, is it better to offend my parents by disobeying them or undermine my wife by not supporting her?
Many situations arise like this but the general expectation upon the newly married couple is to conform and settle properly within the family. Of course this is easier said than done sometimes, but it depends on how you interact with your parents and wife simultaneously!
I think generally that is the crux of the matter, as a man with my own individual likes and dislikes, it can be easy to forget your own individuality within the constant changing sea of your life. Responsibilities increase as you need to better yourself financially to make life comfortable for both of you. Socially your time and priorities are limited to an extent where your friends don’t really hear from you much.
I am in no way saying this transition has been harder for me than it has been for my wife. She has coped well so far and our relationship is still going strong over 8 months in. Before we got married I guess we had ideals about how married life would be, but we forgot to take into consideration the larger family that we live with.
In conclusion, I would not change anything at the moment. Apart from the fact that my wife is in India waiting for her visa…that sucks! Naina has been a rock in my life ever since I knew her and I wouldn’t want her any other way.
One piece of advice for all guys before you get married; prepare for hard work, always recognise your wife’s sacrifices and never put her down. You both have to work with each other to make things improve!
Desi Blogger 